I remember as a little girl (probably around 7 years old) joining the Brownies.
It was the young girls’ version of the Girl Guides.
I was excited to wear the brown uniform with its yellow necktie.
But I also remember being kind of terrified.
A slightly older girl, Bridget, took me under her wing.
I must have driven her around the bend.
Every time we were about to do something I would quietly ask her ‘what’s this, what are we doing?’
Imagine my surprise then when coming across an article by an American phsyciatrist who describes almost exactly the same scenario, but he was a young boy scout.
He put on the uniform, sat in a circle and repeated the pledge, but while other kids seemed awed by the initiation, “I felt nothing”, he writes in New Scientist.
As I grew older I chose not to join the Girl Guides, but later joined Rangers aimed at girls aged 14 to 18.
I loved this group, it was small and our leader was a bit non-conventional and fun.
Some of my friends joined another youth group called Pilots.
This didn’t appeal to me at all, no idea why, it just didn’t.
I later learned one of the group’s leaders commented ‘well that’s just typical of Ann’.
I’ve always been mindful of this.
It stayed with me, but I never really knew what she meant.
Maybe now, I finally do.
She thought I was just being awkward.
Had to be different.
But I wasn’t.
I just didn’t want to do what everyone else did.
It needed to feel right.
To feel authentically me.
I didn’t want to stand out from the crowd, but nor did I want to be in the crowd.
I’ve always hated group-hug work meetings, especially if butchers paper and sticky coloured dots are involved.
Not because I don’t want to contribute, or help.
It’s just not me.
At one workplace there was a regular Thursday night social gathering.
I went along a few times, it was fun, I like social gatherings.
But I never wanted it to be my every Thursday.
When I first moved to Australia some friends kindly invited me to their home on the weekend.
But when I declined one week, I was told ‘but you have to come, everyone comes to us on the weekend’.
It was no longer for me.
I knew I needed my own space.
I like time alone.
Time to think, read, watch rubbish on TV, sit and meditate, practice mindfulness or just be.
Don’t get me wrong I like to socialise, entertain and party.
But I’m rarely one to ‘work the room’.
I’ve done this as a journalist and as a journalism educator, in my professional capacity.
But that’s not necessarily me.
So back to the article… or articles, I’ve been reading this week.
They focus on Rami Kaminski’s new book The Gift of Not Belonging.
He considers the characteristics of the introvert (one who faces inward) and extrovert (one who faces outward) and comes up with the term ‘otrovert’ (in Spanish, ‘otro’ means other).
Dr Kaminski describes the otrovert as ‘neurotypical, friendly, curious, well-adjusted, and often popular’ yet ‘they resist being pressured into group activities’.
I completely get this.
Ah ha, so maybe this is me, I thought.
But then this line threw me completely.
‘They are soloists who cannot play in an orchestra.’
Hmmmm… not quite me.
In a literal sense I played the tenor recorder in the school orchestra (which made me different), but I still liked being part of the orchestra.
I think this is the problem with labels.
Introvert, extrovert – they are quite polarising – you’re one or the other.
I always thought I was a bit of both.
Otrovert – still doesn’t quite get me, and I think that’s key.
We can’t all be pigeon-holed away.
We are individuals and need to find our own way.
Some days I can be the life and soul of the party.
The next, I just want to look at the trees and be as far away from people as possible.
Interestingly my research led me to a test or the ‘otherness scale Questionnarie’ on The Otherness Institue website.
I scored 186/280… which apparently means I’m a Communal Introvert!
A person who feels energised by solitude and tends to prefer deep, one-on-one interactions over large group settings.
Another label!
Hmmmm… and still not 100% me.
I guess I’m just me, and I’m pretty happy with that.
Ann 🙏